The Microphone Eaters

June 7, 2019 at 8:47 pm | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

Huey Lewis performing at at Gulfstream Park in Hallandale, FL on September 27, 2006; photo by Carl Lender at https://www.flickr.com/photos/clender/ .

If you were the microphone in the picture above, wouldn’t you be terrified?

All of the singer’s belligerence – all of the singer’s vehemence – would be directed at you.

Wouldn’t you be revolted?

All of the singer’s drool would be directed at you. Yuck!


In the past, singers did not appear to be trying to eat the microphone. They maintained a respectful distance. They treated the microphone as a fellow human being, rather than as food.

Chuck Berry on the television program The Midnight Special. Photo by NBC Television.

But that courtesy has vanished, as have so many other courtesies.

Some rock concerts feature more than one singer. If the same microphone is used by all of them, each singer will be trying to eat the same microphone that all of the previous singers had tried to eat.

Is the microphone sterilized between singers? It should be.

If the same microphone is used by all, the probability that each singer catches a communicable disease will equal the number of previous speakers, times the probability that a random singer has a communicable disease.

Medical data on the singers would therefore enable us to measure the probability that rock singers have communicable diseases.

Wouldn’t that be usedul?

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